What Did You Do With Jill?Jill Whalen's healthy lifestyle transformation                                               

There is no such thing as “The Capitalist” Or “The Progressives,” or “The Liberals,” or “The Muslims,” or “The Jews,” or “The Homeless,” or “The Non-Dualists,” or “The 3 Principles Community,” or “The Republicans,” or “The Democrats,” or “The Rich,” or “The Poor,” or “The Atheists,” or “The Anti-Vaxxers” or “The Trumpists.” Or any other label we can dream up or imagine.

There are only images in our mind of what those labels mean.

We need labels in order to make sense of, and communicate within this world. However, they also create separation and divisiveness. We love those we feel part of, and hate those that seem in opposition. Yet if we take one individual from any group, it’s guaranteed they will have differing opinions from other members of the group. Which is also why there is often divisiveness within the groups themselves.

All Labels Are Stereotypes.

They are convenient shortcuts to help us be concise in our language. However, those shortcuts come with a price. When we use labels in everyday conversation, it suggests that there is some sort of solid entity that has a very specific set of beliefs, and dogma. The label itself, makes it “a thing” in and of itself. And yet, the “thing” doesn’t exist beyond our very own (unique) idea of what it means to be “that thing.”

What’s Really Happening?

Unfortunately, the vocal minority of most groups, is where we get our stereotypes. Or worse, the ones that say the most provocative things. They are often the most extreme members of those groups. Yet when those extreme views clash with ours, our categorizing brain likes to attribute them to the entire group.

For instance, some may think of Capitalists as “those people who want others to be poor because they are selfish and want all the money for themselves.”

Or some might think of Muslims as “those people who blow up buildings.”

Or perhaps some think of Liberals as “those people who want everything to be free in life, without realizing that the money has to come from somewhere.” And while there may be some members that have those beliefs and intentions, those views never describe the group as a whole.

Most groups are made up of well-intentioned people who want the best for the world and themselves.

So What Can We Do to Fix This Misunderstanding?

First, it’s very important to open up our own minds even just a tiny bit to consider what I’ve said above. That what we think of as a group, might in reality be the vocal minority within that group. If/when we do that, it can loosen up the image we have in our mind of that group.

Next, if we want to have a discussion about current events, or politics, or religion, or whatever else, rather than calling out an entire group of people as being bad, or wrong based on the words and deeds of a some, simply call out those specific people. In other words, if we don’t like people who blow up buildings (and who really does?) then talk about them specifically, rather than as a group.

For instance, there’s nothing wrong in saying “Those people who blow up buildings, shouldn’t be allowed in our country.” Why do we need to label them as part of a larger group where the majority wants nothing to do with such acts of violence?

And if we don’t like the idea of there being selfish people who want others to be poor so they can have all the money for themselves (and again…who really does?) then use that whole phrase, rather than a shortcut label. While it’s easier to substitute the one word “Capitalist,” it only describes some individuals within the larger group of Capitalists.

And if we don’t like the idea of people wanting to live off handouts without working for a living while we have to earn our money, then say that. There’s no need to place all Liberals under that umbrella.

In summary…

All groups are made up of unique individuals who have many varied points of view. Some we may agree with, others we may not. If we were to speak one-on-one with any individual member, I am certain we would find many areas of agreement and overlap of views. We would also realize that no group in and of itself is “all bad.”

It’s all in how we imagine them to be.

I welcome your thoughts.

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

The most natural desire we human beings have, is to feel needed and loved. So we do whatever we can to win that love from others. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. To keep the cycle going, we do our best to try to reciprocate that love.

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

If you browse through this blog or watch my YouTube videos, you may notice that a lot of what I talk about is often (usually?) the opposite of what you see elsewhere. In fact, my teachings often go against societal norms and the “self-help” industry all together.

For instance, I’ve written about how, when other people are mad at us, it is not an attack on us. Even if they’re physically and verbally demonstrating it to us.

But how can that be?

We are conditioned to believe that everything must be about us in some way.

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a “Victim of Thought Show which is on this subject which you can view here or at the end of this post.]

We all know and use the phrase, “Let’s agree to disagree.”

It gets pulled out when we’re getting nowhere in an argument or discussion. From our point of view, the other person is simply not listening well, or isn’t very intelligent, or just doesn’t get the facts of the situation. Because obviously if they did, they would agree with us! So rather than cause a scene or escalate the situation, we agree to disagree.

Or at least we say we do.

But inside, we know we are right!

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. This post also has a corresponding video here.]

This week I want to share with you some recent insights I had about a way in which we innocently create our own moment-to-moment suffering in life.

During our typical day, we naturally go through lots of emotions such as anger, anxiety and sadness. None of which are a problem in and of themselves. They become a problem, however, when the secondary thoughts and feelings we have about these emotions, take hold. Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a corresponding video.]

If you’ve read any of my blog posts, you know I write about how it’s our thoughts that create our entire experience of life. In other words, as much as it appears that other people and situations cause us to feel how we feel–they don’t. The way we feel in any given moment is always and only a factor of whatever thoughts happen to pop in our heads at that time.

You don’t have to believe me, but…

This is the “One Truth” of how the world works.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Once upon a time there was a world called, “Inside-Out Land.” There, it was impossible for anyone to upset a fellow “Inside-Outer.” It wasn’t that they couldn’t become upset–they could. It was that their society as a whole understood where their feelings came from.

They knew when they were upset (or happy, or scared or sad), it was always and only because their thoughts naturally created those feelings within them. Just as they were designed to do.

Because of this knowledge, they lived in relative peace.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version and a related video.]

We spend so much of our present moment time trying to predict the future. And when we’re not doing that, we ruminate over the past. We beat ourselves up for putting ourselves in the situation we’re in, and do our best to figure out every possible solution and outcome.

Neither of which is helpful.

All the wishing in the world that we did things differently can’t change the current state of affairs. Learning from our mistakes is one thing, but placing blame on ourselves or others for how things turned out, is 100% useless. There’s no sense in looking back.

Inevitably, life throws curve balls at us.

What’s happening now, is just what’s happening now.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a related video.]

Nobody likes being angry.

It feels pretty crappy.

The more angry we feel inside, the more we want to do something about it. Sometimes an angry outburst is enough to rid the body of our crappy feelings. Often, however, we say or do such horrible things during our outburst that we feel worse.

So we try and manage our anger.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

I lived half a century before I learned how life really works!

Even though it took so long, I’m very grateful I eventually learned it. Sadly, most people never do.

You see, we are brought up believing the world works one way, when it actually works another. It isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s simply a misunderstanding perpetuated by our society and culture. A very convincing misunderstanding, for sure. But a misunderstanding, nevertheless.

However…

When we learn how things really work, it can transform our lives in amazing ways!

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. This post also has an accompanying video at the end.]

Are there situations in your life that appear to be crushing your soul?

You know the ones I mean…

Perhaps it’s your job.

You have a soul-sucking boss who not only doesn’t appreciate you, but is often downright nasty. Maybe your colleagues are lazy and/or backstabbing, and just out for themselves. Every day, going to work feels so anxiety-laden. “What will they all do to me today?” you wonder, as you get dressed in the morning.

You often find yourself saying, “If only I had a job where I was appreciated.” Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s a video that relates to forgiveness as well.]

I’ve been married for over 34 years. As with all relationships, there have been good times and bad ones. About 20 years ago, there was a long stretch of time when those bad times seemed to me to be much more prevalent than the good ones. I won’t go into the details, but the gist of it is that I blamed my husband for his decision to go to law school, because it had created a set of circumstances for our family that I was not happy with.

The whole “mess” felt out of my hands, and I didn’t know what to do about it. All I knew was that I was miserable, and couldn’t keep going on the way things were. I had so much built-up resentment over everything that had happened, it was eating me up inside.

I was at the end of my rope.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

A couple of months ago I wrote a blog post on how we attack ourselves and then blame others. Lately, I’ve noticed that blame is even more insidious in our everyday lives than I first realized.

For example, let’s say someone misses a meeting. One would think they could only have themselves to blame. Yet suddenly it’s the meeting host’s fault for not sending out a reminder. Or perhaps someone asks another person to help them with something. Yet when it doesn’t come out quite right, it’s somehow the helper’s fault!

We see this sort of blaming every day…usually related to the insecurities of the blamer. Our fragile little egos hate to admit fault, especially when there’s an easy target at whom we can point our finger. Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

In a recent blog post I wrote that whatever is going on in our lives is simply what’s happening. This is true of both good and bad things. Whether it’s a so-called problem, a crisis, an illness, or something stupendously superb–it’s just what’s happening.

Which means that we have no control over it.

And by “it,” I mean stuff. Life. Everything.

I can already hear your ego-self rebelling at those words. If so, you’re especially not gonna like this next bit. Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a corresponding video you can watch.]

We humans are a crazy bunch!  I mean that literally. Major league, out of our minds, mentally mad and utterly unstable.

Which feels crappy.

So we spend every minute of the day trying to be a little less crazy.

We do this in a variety of ever-changing ways…

We eat. We drink. We run. We meditate. We dance. We gossip. We Facebook. We shop. We love. We sing. We write. We put ourselves above others. We play. We cry.

And we feel a little better.

For about 5 minutes. Then we’re back to feeling crazy again. Eventually, we start to recognize that outside stimuli can only relieve our feelings of craziness temporarily.

So we begin to look within.

We believe that when we get to know our spiritual nature, it’ll cure our craziness.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

I was gifted with a HUGE insight recently. I saw how what I perceived as a verbal attack on me was not what I thought it was. With this realization, it was crystal clear where my bad/mad/scared feelings came from.

I felt attacked based on my own deep-seated unconscious beliefs that I was not good enough. Beliefs, I daresay, that I didn’t even know I had!

In other words, my feelings were 100% created from my own insecure thoughts–not what was said to me.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a corresponding video to this post.]

We all have our stories. Lots of them. But most of the time we have no idea that they’re stories. We think they are who we are, so they become our identity. But what we often don’t realize, is that identity itself is just a belief system. And beliefs are simply a whole bunch of thoughts we keep on thinking. (Until we don’t.)

I’ve certainly had my stories over the years, and like everyone, I still do. I just don’t hold onto them as tightly as I used to.

Here’s the Cliff Notes version of my old story:

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

I’ve seen a lot of articles and comments about personal transformation that focus on how much time and effort it takes. They promise that with the right tools, techniques and lots of perseverance, transformation can eventually be yours.

Maybe.

But I see it differently.

Transformation happens via insight–not hard work.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Did you know that you have two minds?

If you’re like I was most of my life, you may not be in tune with what’s going on in your head at any given moment. So you may not be aware of your mind’s seemingly split personality. However, if you pay attention, it doesn’t take long to see our two minds in action.

There’s our “ego mind” and our “wisdom mind.”

Our ego mind is filled with fear and is mostly wrong about everything, yet it loudly and proudly proclaims its rightness.

Meanwhile, our wisdom mind is filled with love and sits quietly in the background knowing the real truth, and having the right answers.

In some ways, our split mind is like the proverbial angel and devil on our shoulders.

Here’s the problem…

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Have you ever noticed how certain people are always up in arms about something?

Whether it’s a situation at work, home or in our social circles, we can easily find a reason to feel put upon. As soon as one problem is cleared up, there’s always another around the corner. Plus there are plenty of horrible happenings in the news to feel bad about just in case we can’t find anything to complain about locally!

No doubt, there are a zillion things we can be up in arms over. But why would we want to? It seems kinda dumb to me. Read the rest of this entry »