What Did You Do With Jill?Jill Whalen's healthy lifestyle transformation                                               

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. This post also has an accompanying video at the end.]

Are there situations in your life that appear to be crushing your soul?

You know the ones I mean…

Perhaps it’s your job.

You have a soul-sucking boss who not only doesn’t appreciate you, but is often downright nasty. Maybe your colleagues are lazy and/or backstabbing, and just out for themselves. Every day, going to work feels so anxiety-laden. “What will they all do to me today?” you wonder, as you get dressed in the morning.

You often find yourself saying, “If only I had a job where I was appreciated.“

Perhaps it’s your spouse.

You can’t even remember the last time you were around him or her and felt comfortable. It seems that they pick on everything you do. Most of the time, you’d rather stay at work (even with the soul-sucking boss) than have to deal with whatever horrible thing you allegedly did wrong at home. You’re the first to volunteer for business trips so you can get away and have some “me time.”

You often find yourself saying, “If only I had a relationship that was easy and loving.”

Perhaps it’s your kids.

If your children are young, trying to keep up with their homework and activities seems to leave you with little time for yourself. And those calls from the school because little Johnny couldn’t sit still again, make you want to pull out your hair. “Why is it that every other kid can sit still except for Johnny? What is wrong with MY child?” you wonder.

If you’ve got older children or even adult ones, it’s no easier. Especially in this day and age. “What are they texting (or worse) to their friends? Is my alcohol being watered down? Do I smell pot in their backpack?” you wonder.

You often find yourself saying, “If only my kids were smarter, or quieter, or more well-behaved, I could finally relax.”

Perhaps it’s your generalized stress and/or anxiety.

If you’re someone who feels a lot of anxiety and stress that seems to prevent you from being able to fully live your life (whether it appears to be coming from any of the above mentioned sources, or something else) you are likely to be laser-focused on it. You may not be able to think of anything else but how stressed and anxious you are. “There’s just no way I can keep a job or have good relationships! Some days it’s even impossible for me to leave my house.” you think.

You often find yourself saying, “If only I didn’t have this anxiety, I could lead a normal life.”

There’s a lot going on in everyone’s life.

The bad news is, that’s never going to change.

The good news is, it doesn’t have to.

Here’s the thing: Let’s say you believe that what’s keeping you from your peace of mind is the sucky job. And let’s say you finally get a new one. How long do you think it will take for the new one to start feeling as sucky as the old one? If you look back at all your previous jobs, is there a pattern? You love it at first, then after a certain period of time, people no longer seem to act the way you think they should, and your peace of mind seems compromised.

Same thing if you’re no longer enjoying your relationship with your significant other. It started out wonderfully. Then, over time, stuff happened you didn’t like, grudges were held, and things went downhill from there.

With your children, there’s always the hope of more peace as they age, however, in reality, you’ll be trading young kid problems for older kid ones.

The point is…

It’s always something.

And it always will be.

At least as long as you believe you need these things to change in order for you to be happy and/or feel some semblance of peace.

Chances are that you don’t even realize you’re seeking happiness through these things. “Happiness” in and of itself, may not even on your radar. Especially if you tend to be anxious, stressed and/or worried. You may simply be seeking an end to your crappy feelings.

Whatever you want to call it, be it happiness, peace, less stress, or an end to your suffering–when you need your current work/family/self situation to change in order to get it–you’re screwed. Royally, and utterly, screwed.

You will never, ever, ever find long-lasting good feelings from a change in outside circumstances.

Want to know why?

Because that’s not where good feelings come from.

All feelings…be them good, bad or indifferent, come from within us. Always.

We have the amazing ability to make the best (or worst) of any situation, regardless of what it looks like. And we do it all day long, every, single day.

Any given situation can look different at any given time.

Let’s go back to your work or family situation, for a moment. Even in the worst jobs, with the worst spouse, or the most craziest, rotten kids, aren’t there times (many of them in fact) during the day when things are fine? I bet if you truly look for it, you’ll remember times when even though the “crazy” was happening around you, for whatever reason, you were okay.

That’s because you’re always okay.

Underneath the crazy is where your okayness lies. It’s always there. Even in the worst of circumstances, You. Are. Okay.

Which means, you don’t need a new job, a new family, or a new psychology. The very fact that you’re always okay means that none of those things are what are making you unhappy (or happy).

Your happiness really does come from within.

Isn’t that good to know?

–Jill

P.S. See this accompanying video I made on the topic of “I’ll Be Happy When…”

Prefer listening? Click the green arrow below!

Jill Whalen

CONTACT JILL WHALEN to learn how she may help you be the best you can be.

Jill is the author of Victim of Thought: Seeing Through the Illusion of Anxiety

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For the past 20 years, Jill has consulted with companies big and small, and spoken at conferences all over the world. She is currently a transformational speaker and mentor to businesses, individuals, coaches, leaders, groups and organizations. She helps them uncover their natural well-being and happiness so that they can operate from a clearer state of mind and take their lives and businesses to a higher level.

Jill's blog, What Did You Do With Jill? is a personal account of what she's learned throughout her transformational journey. Jill has many "viral" articles on LinkedIn and is a contributing writer for P.S. I Love You.

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