How to Set Yourself Free of Your Insecurities


Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 11-28-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

If you browse through this Set Yourself Free!blog or watch my YouTube videos, you may notice that a lot of what I talk about is often (usually?) the opposite of what you see elsewhere. In fact, my teachings often go against societal norms and the “self-help” industry all together.

For instance, I’ve written about how, when other people are mad at us, it is not an attack on us. Even if they’re physically and verbally demonstrating it to us.

But how can that be?

We are conditioned to believe that everything must be about us in some way.

And others are only too happy to confirm this.

Yet it’s a lie.

What if we went against what society tells us and saw what was really going on?

And what if we saw and Knew that whatever another person does or says has absolutely nothing to do with us?

What if we really understood that every person on this planet is always and only acting from their own level of consciousness in the moment, based on whatever thoughts they’re having at the time?

It would set us free.

Free to…

  • Not take anything personally.
  • Be who we are.
  • Stop trying to control our lives and those of everyone around us.
  • Let others be who they are.

How can this be true?


(Get ready for some mega-wisdom!)

People are gonna do, what people are gonna do.

Whether they think they’re pissed off at us, angry at the world, or they’re mad at themselves, it’s their own state of mind in the moment that is pissing them off. Every. Single. Time. And it never, ever, ever has anything to do with us.

No matter how much it looks like it does, and no matter what anyone else says. It doesn’t. Ever.

Which is where this diverges from everything we’ve been brought up to believe. We’re so entrenched in the desire to conform to societal and cultural norms, that anything that goes against the grain, doesn’t seem possible.

It takes courage to see the world differently.

Therefore, it’s safer and easier to believe that other people and situations have special powers to make us feel good or bad. Which is why we lash out at them. (They made me feel bad, so I will get back at them. This will cause me to feel better, as well as make them feel bad.)

How then, do we summon up the necessary courage to go against everything we’ve previously believed to be true?

By taking a good, hard, honest look at our insecurities.

Insecurity is the fear of not being good enough, and not being loved.  Besides the physical needs of food and shelter, it looks to me that the most basic innate drive for all human beings is our need to feel loved.

This seems to stem from the utter separateness we feel from each other in this world. We strongly (albeit unconsciously) desire to be part of some sort of  cohesive”Whole.” And our only way in is if and when we believe that others like and love us.

So we live our lives striving to control how others feel about us, which causes us to do and say really dumb things.

When we care so much what others think of us, it stops us from simply living our lives.

For some, this desire to control others’ feelings about us manifests in anxiety so severe that we can’t even leave our house. We are mortified at the idea of being thought “different” by those we might encounter. We even put the feelings of mere strangers whom we’ll never see again, ahead of our own well-being.

And yet, all of our crazy controlling conditioned responses are created out of the incredible, amazing power of THOUGHT.

  • All of our insecurities–Thought Created.
  • OUR Conditioned behaviors–Thought Created.
  • The belief that others will not love us–Thought Created
  • Our desire to conform–Thought Created

I could go on and on.

Suffice it to say that EVERY feeling, idea and belief we have are ALL Thought-Created.

Which is great news!

It means they’re changeable.

Which also means WE are changeable!

So much more changeable than we think. No matter how long we’ve been insecure, and no matter how unloved we feel, it can all change on a dime. In a simple moment of insight, decades of old thoughts and feelings can and do disappear.

And all it takes is the ability to see the world anew. Are you ready to leave a tiny crack open to possibly see something new?

Here’s a short video I made about that:


Prefer listening? Click the green arrow below!
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CONTACT JILL WHALEN to learn how she may help you be the best you can be.

Jill is the author of Victim of Thought: Seeing Through the Illusion of Anxiety

Prefer videos? Subscribe to my YouTube Channel now!

For the past 20 years, Jill has consulted with companies big and small, and spoken at conferences all over the world. She is currently a transformational speaker and mentor to businesses, individuals, coaches, leaders, groups and organizations. She helps them uncover their natural well-being and happiness so that they can operate from a clearer state of mind and take their lives and businesses to a higher level.

Jill's blog, What Did You Do With Jill? is a personal account of what she's learned throughout her transformational journey. Jill has many "viral" articles on LinkedIn and is a contributing writer for P.S. I Love You.

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nice words, easy to follow….thank you

You’re welcome!

Thank you, Jill! I love your wonderful articles. They seem to have a very timely quality as well! ✨

Thanks, Hannah! Glad to see you still read them after all these years. 🙂