How to Set Yourself Free of Your Insecurities

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Miscellaneous, Thought | Posted on 28-11-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a related video below.]

If you browse through this Set Yourself Free!blog or watch my YouTube videos, you may notice that a lot of what I talk about is often (usually?) the opposite of what you see elsewhere. In fact, my teachings often go against societal norms and the “self-help” industry all together.

For instance, I’ve written about how, when other people are mad at us, it is not an attack on us. Even if they’re physically and verbally demonstrating it to us.

But how can that be?

We are conditioned to believe that everything must be about us in some way.

Read the rest of this entry »

Why is it so Difficult to Agree to Disagree?

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Miscellaneous, Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 08-08-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a “Victim of Thought Show which is on this subject which you can view here or at the end of this post.]

We all know and use the phrase, “Let’s agree to disagree.”

Why is it so hard to agree to disagree?

It gets pulled out when we’re getting nowhere in an argument or discussion. From our point of view, the other person is simply not listening well, or isn’t very intelligent, or just doesn’t get the facts of the situation. Because obviously if they did, they would agree with us! So rather than cause a scene or escalate the situation, we agree to disagree.

Or at least we say we do.

But inside, we know we are right!

Read the rest of this entry »

Don’t Give it a Second Thought

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Thought | Posted on 11-07-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. This post also has a corresponding video here.]

Are You Giving it a Second Thought?This week I want to share with you some recent insights I had about a way in which we innocently create our own moment-to-moment suffering in life.

During our typical day, we naturally go through lots of emotions such as anger, anxiety and sadness. None of which are a problem in and of themselves. They become a problem, however, when the secondary thoughts and feelings we have about these emotions, take hold. Read the rest of this entry »

One Truth: We Live in the Feeling of Thought in the Moment

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Things I've Learned, Thought | Posted on 13-06-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a corresponding video.]

Flat Earth?If you’ve read any of my blog posts, you know I write about how it’s our thoughts that create our entire experience of life. In other words, as much as it appears that other people and situations cause us to feel how we feel–they don’t. The way we feel in any given moment is always and only a factor of whatever thoughts happen to pop in our heads at that time.

You don’t have to believe me, but…

This is the “One Truth” of how the world works.

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The Tale of Inside-Out Land

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Relationships, Thought | Posted on 23-05-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Happy Inside-OutersOnce upon a time there was a world called, “Inside-Out Land.” There, it was impossible for anyone to upset a fellow “Inside-Outer.” It wasn’t that they couldn’t become upset–they could. It was that their society as a whole understood where their feelings came from.

They knew when they were upset (or happy, or scared or sad), it was always and only because their thoughts naturally created those feelings within them. Just as they were designed to do.

Because of this knowledge, they lived in relative peace.

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We Can’t Predict the Future and We Can’t Change the Past

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 02-05-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version and a related video.]

Can You Tell The Future? We spend so much of our present moment time trying to predict the future. And when we’re not doing that, we ruminate over the past. We beat ourselves up for putting ourselves in the situation we’re in, and do our best to figure out every possible solution and outcome.

Neither of which is helpful.

All the wishing in the world that we did things differently can’t change the current state of affairs. Learning from our mistakes is one thing, but placing blame on ourselves or others for how things turned out, is 100% useless. There’s no sense in looking back.

Inevitably, life throws curve balls at us.

What’s happening now, is just what’s happening now.

Read the rest of this entry »

What is Anger? And Why Anger Management Doesn’t Work

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 11-04-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

What is Anger?Nobody likes being angry.

It feels pretty crappy.

The more angry we feel inside, the more we want to do something about it. Sometimes an angry outburst is enough to rid the body of our crappy feelings. Often, however, we say or do such horrible things during our outburst that we feel worse.

So we try and manage our anger.

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8 Things You Need to Know About Life That Nobody Taught You

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 28-03-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

What Nobody Ever Taught You About Life

I lived half a century before I learned how life really works!

Even though it took so long, I’m very grateful I eventually learned it. Sadly, most people never do.

You see, we are brought up believing the world works one way, when it actually works another. It isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s simply a misunderstanding perpetuated by our society and culture. A very convincing misunderstanding, for sure. But a misunderstanding, nevertheless.

However…

When we learn how things really work, it can transform our lives in amazing ways!

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I’ll Be Happy When…

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 14-03-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. This post also has an accompanying video at the end.]

I'll Be Happy When...Are there situations in your life that appear to be crushing your soul?

You know the ones I mean…

Perhaps it’s your job.

You have a soul-sucking boss who not only doesn’t appreciate you, but is often downright nasty. Maybe your colleagues are lazy and/or backstabbing, and just out for themselves. Every day, going to work feels so anxiety-laden. “What will they all do to me today?” you wonder, as you get dressed in the morning.

You often find yourself saying, “If only I had a job where I was appreciated.Read the rest of this entry »

All The World’s a Stage

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Miscellaneous, Spiritual Teachings, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 28-02-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Shakespeare once said, “All the world’s a stage.” While he was talking about the various stages of life we go through, the short tale you are about to read is in reference to the kind of stage in which plays play out… 

Once upon a time in a faraway land, there existed only a stage.

All the world's a stage!It wasn’t your everyday stage. It was a grande, regal, magical one. What made it so special was that the entire universe consisted solely of this omnipresent stage.

The stage had no name, nor did it need one because there was nothing else but it. However, in the universe in which this story is told, labels are useful, so we’ll call it “Mo.” The stage also had no specific gender, but again, for purposes of this story, we’ll use “he” and “him” when referring to Mo. But in reality, he was more of an “it” than a “he.”

Mo’s magicalness meant that he continuously created an infinite supply of scenery, props, costumes and actors to perform within the stage that was him. This provided an endless variety of shows playing out for his enjoyment, amusement and entertainment. Read the rest of this entry »

Forgiveness in Relationships: How to Forgive Someone

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Thought | Posted on 14-02-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s a video that relates to forgiveness as well.]

i forgive youI’ve been married for over 34 years. As with all relationships, there have been good times and bad ones. About 20 years ago, there was a long stretch of time when those bad times seemed to me to be much more prevalent than the good ones. I won’t go into the details, but the gist of it is that I blamed my husband for his decision to go to law school, because it had created a set of circumstances for our family that I was not happy with.

The whole “mess” felt out of my hands, and I didn’t know what to do about it. All I knew was that I was miserable, and couldn’t keep going on the way things were. I had so much built-up resentment over everything that had happened, it was eating me up inside.

I was at the end of my rope.

Read the rest of this entry »

Blaming Others for How You’re Feeling

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 31-01-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

Blaming Others For How You FeelA couple of months ago I wrote a blog post on how we attack ourselves and then blame others. Lately, I’ve noticed that blame is even more insidious in our everyday lives than I first realized.

For example, let’s say someone misses a meeting. One would think they could only have themselves to blame. Yet suddenly it’s the meeting host’s fault for not sending out a reminder. Or perhaps someone asks another person to help them with something. Yet when it doesn’t come out quite right, it’s somehow the helper’s fault!

We see this sort of blaming every day…usually related to the insecurities of the blamer. Our fragile little egos hate to admit fault, especially when there’s an easy target at whom we can point our finger. Read the rest of this entry »

Nothing is Happening to You

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 17-01-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

Nothing is Happening to YouIn a recent blog post I wrote that whatever is going on in our lives is simply what’s happening. This is true of both good and bad things. Whether it’s a so-called problem, a crisis, an illness, or something stupendously superb–it’s just what’s happening.

Which means that we have no control over it.

And by “it,” I mean stuff. Life. Everything.

I can already hear your ego-self rebelling at those words. If so, you’re especially not gonna like this next bit. Read the rest of this entry »

The Misunderstanding of Understanding

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Spiritual Teachings, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 13-12-2017

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a corresponding video you can watch.]

The Misunderstanding of UnderstandingWe humans are a crazy bunch!  I mean that literally. Major league, out of our minds, mentally mad and utterly unstable.

Which feels crappy.

So we spend every minute of the day trying to be a little less crazy.

We do this in a variety of ever-changing ways

We eat. We drink. We run. We meditate. We dance. We gossip. We Facebook. We shop. We love. We sing. We write. We put ourselves above others. We play. We cry.

And we feel a little better.

For about 5 minutes. Then we’re back to feeling crazy again. Eventually, we start to recognize that outside stimuli can only relieve our feelings of craziness temporarily.

So we begin to look within.

We believe that when we get to know our spiritual nature, it’ll cure our craziness.

Read the rest of this entry »

How We Attack Ourselves and Then Blame Others

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 29-11-2017

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Are You Attacking Yourself?[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

I was gifted with a HUGE insight recently. I saw how what I perceived as a verbal attack on me was not what I thought it was. With this realization, it was crystal clear where my bad/mad/scared feelings came from.

I felt attacked based on my own deep-seated unconscious beliefs that I was not good enough. Beliefs, I daresay, that I didn’t even know I had!

In other words, my feelings were 100% created from my own insecure thoughts–not what was said to me.

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Are You Holding Onto Your Story?

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Thought | Posted on 08-11-2017

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a corresponding video to this post.]

We all have our stories. Lots of them. But most of the time we have no idea that they’re stories. We think they are who we are, so they become our identity. But what we often don’t realize, is that identity itself is just a belief system. And beliefs are simply a whole bunch of thoughts we keep on thinking. (Until we don’t.)

I’ve certainly had my stories over the years, and like everyone, I still do. I just don’t hold onto them as tightly as I used to.

Here’s the Cliff Notes version of my old story:

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Looking Back at the Magical Unfolding of Life

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Business, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 11-10-2017

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Life UnfoldingIt’s been nearly four years since I announced to the industry I loved for 17 years (Search Engine Optimization aka SEO), that I was moving on.

In my parting message, the piece that stands out to me now is this:

“SEO was never about the money for me. It was my passion and something that I absolutely had to do. And because of that, the money came. I believe the same thing can be true for anyone who finds their passion and uses it to help others.”

Which is exactly what I’ve been doing these past 4 years.

I’ve found a new passion and am using it to help others.

Here’s the coolest part… Read the rest of this entry »

Freedom of Choice and Living a Guided Life

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Spiritual Teachings, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 27-09-2017

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Did you know that you have two minds?

Two MindsIf you’re like I was most of my life, you may not be in tune with what’s going on in your head at any given moment. So you may not be aware of your mind’s seemingly split personality. However, if you pay attention, it doesn’t take long to see our two minds in action.

There’s our “ego mind” and our “wisdom mind.”

Our ego mind is filled with fear and is mostly wrong about everything, yet it loudly and proudly proclaims its rightness.

Meanwhile, our wisdom mind is filled with love and sits quietly in the background knowing the real truth, and having the right answers.

In some ways, our split mind is like the proverbial angel and devil on our shoulders.

Here’s the problem…

Read the rest of this entry »

5 Reasons Why Being ‘Up in Arms’ is Dumb

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Business, Psychology, Relationships, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 10-09-2017

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Have you ever noticed how certain people are always up in arms about something?

Are You Always Up in Arms?Whether it’s a situation at work, home or in our social circles, we can easily find a reason to feel put upon. As soon as one problem is cleared up, there’s always another around the corner. Plus there are plenty of horrible happenings in the news to feel bad about just in case we can’t find anything to complain about locally!

No doubt, there are a zillion things we can be up in arms over. But why would we want to? It seems kinda dumb to me. Read the rest of this entry »

Do We Need to Control Our Fears?

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 30-08-2017

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
Do We Need to Control Our Fears?

I’ve seen so many articles that tell us we should push past our fears and/or try to control them. While that’s satisfactory short-term advice, it’s not a long-term solution.

It’s simply not possible to control fear.

Fear always comes from thought in the moment. And thoughts are not under our control. Read the rest of this entry »