Below are Jill’s posts that deal with the subject of love. Be warned, it’s not the kind of love you may think it is!

 


There Is No Such Thing as…

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Spirituality, Things I've Learned | Posted on 23-05-2020

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There is no such thing as “The Capitalist” Or “The Progressives,” or “The Liberals,” or “The Muslims,” or “The Jews,” or “The Homeless,” or “The Non-Dualists,” or “The 3 Principles Community,” or “The Republicans,” or “The Democrats,” or “The Rich,” or “The Poor,” or “The Atheists,” or “The Anti-Vaxxers” or “The Trumpists.” Or any other label we can dream up or imagine.

There is no such thing as groups.

There are only images in our mind of what those labels mean.

We need labels in order to make sense of, and communicate within this world. However, they also create separation and divisiveness. We love those we feel part of, and hate those that seem in opposition. Yet if we take one individual from any group, it’s guaranteed they will have differing opinions from other members of the group. Which is also why there is often divisiveness within the groups themselves.

All Labels Are Stereotypes.

They are convenient shortcuts to help us be concise in our language. However, those shortcuts come with a price. When we use labels in everyday conversation, it suggests that there is some sort of solid entity that has a very specific set of beliefs, and dogma. The label itself, makes it “a thing” in and of itself. And yet, the “thing” doesn’t exist beyond our very own (unique) idea of what it means to be “that thing.”

What’s Really Happening?

Unfortunately, the vocal minority of most groups, is where we get our stereotypes. Or worse, the ones that say the most provocative things. They are often the most extreme members of those groups. Yet when those extreme views clash with ours, our categorizing brain likes to attribute them to the entire group.

For instance, some may think of Capitalists as “those people who want others to be poor because they are selfish and want all the money for themselves.”

Or some might think of Muslims as “those people who blow up buildings.”

Or perhaps some think of Liberals as “those people who want everything to be free in life, without realizing that the money has to come from somewhere.” And while there may be some members that have those beliefs and intentions, those views never describe the group as a whole.

Most groups are made up of well-intentioned people who want the best for the world and themselves.

So What Can We Do to Fix This Misunderstanding?

First, it’s very important to open up our own minds even just a tiny bit to consider what I’ve said above. That what we think of as a group, might in reality be the vocal minority within that group. If/when we do that, it can loosen up the image we have in our mind of that group.

Next, if we want to have a discussion about current events, or politics, or religion, or whatever else, rather than calling out an entire group of people as being bad, or wrong based on the words and deeds of a some, simply call out those specific people. In other words, if we don’t like people who blow up buildings (and who really does?) then talk about them specifically, rather than as a group.

For instance, there’s nothing wrong in saying “Those people who blow up buildings, shouldn’t be allowed in our country.” Why do we need to label them as part of a larger group where the majority wants nothing to do with such acts of violence?

And if we don’t like the idea of there being selfish people who want others to be poor so they can have all the money for themselves (and again…who really does?) then use that whole phrase, rather than a shortcut label. While it’s easier to substitute the one word “Capitalist,” it only describes some individuals within the larger group of Capitalists.

And if we don’t like the idea of people wanting to live off handouts without working for a living while we have to earn our money, then say that. There’s no need to place all Liberals under that umbrella.

In summary…

All groups are made up of unique individuals who have many varied points of view. Some we may agree with, others we may not. If we were to speak one-on-one with any individual member, I am certain we would find many areas of agreement and overlap of views. We would also realize that no group in and of itself is “all bad.”

It’s all in how we imagine them to be.

I welcome your thoughts.

Learning to Love

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Spiritual Teachings, Thought | Posted on 04-01-2019

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Learning to Love

The most natural desire we human beings have, is to feel needed and loved. So we do whatever we can to win that love from others. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. To keep the cycle going, we do our best to try to reciprocate that love.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Tale of Inside-Out Land

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Relationships, Thought | Posted on 23-05-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Happy Inside-OutersOnce upon a time there was a world called, “Inside-Out Land.” There, it was impossible for anyone to upset a fellow “Inside-Outer.” It wasn’t that they couldn’t become upset–they could. It was that their society as a whole understood where their feelings came from.

They knew when they were upset (or happy, or scared or sad), it was always and only because their thoughts naturally created those feelings within them. Just as they were designed to do.

Because of this knowledge, they lived in relative peace.

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8 Things You Need to Know About Life That Nobody Taught You

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 28-03-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

What Nobody Ever Taught You About Life

I lived half a century before I learned how life really works!

Even though it took so long, I’m very grateful I eventually learned it. Sadly, most people never do.

You see, we are brought up believing the world works one way, when it actually works another. It isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s simply a misunderstanding perpetuated by our society and culture. A very convincing misunderstanding, for sure. But a misunderstanding, nevertheless.

However…

When we learn how things really work, it can transform our lives in amazing ways!

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All The World’s a Stage

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Miscellaneous, Spiritual Teachings, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 28-02-2018

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Shakespeare once said, “All the world’s a stage.” While he was talking about the various stages of life we go through, the short tale you are about to read is in reference to the kind of stage in which plays play out… 

Once upon a time in a faraway land, there existed only a stage.

All the world's a stage!It wasn’t your everyday stage. It was a grande, regal, magical one. What made it so special was that the entire universe consisted solely of this omnipresent stage.

The stage had no name, nor did it need one because there was nothing else but it. However, in the universe in which this story is told, labels are useful, so we’ll call it “Mo.” The stage also had no specific gender, but again, for purposes of this story, we’ll use “he” and “him” when referring to Mo. But in reality, he was more of an “it” than a “he.”

Mo’s magicalness meant that he continuously created an infinite supply of scenery, props, costumes and actors to perform within the stage that was him. This provided an endless variety of shows playing out for his enjoyment, amusement and entertainment. Read the rest of this entry »

How We Attack Ourselves and Then Blame Others

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 29-11-2017

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Are You Attacking Yourself?[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

I was gifted with a HUGE insight recently. I saw how what I perceived as a verbal attack on me was not what I thought it was. With this realization, it was crystal clear where my bad/mad/scared feelings came from.

I felt attacked based on my own deep-seated unconscious beliefs that I was not good enough. Beliefs, I daresay, that I didn’t even know I had!

In other words, my feelings were 100% created from my own insecure thoughts–not what was said to me.

Read the rest of this entry »

Why Do We Need Others to Like Us?

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 12-07-2017

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

How much of our good behavior is an attempt to fit in, be liked and not call attention to ourselves?

Most humans are generally good. They want to do the right thing as much as possible. Which great, because when we’re in a sticky situation, we can almost always find someone who’s willing to help us out.

But we also have a related drive of wanting to be liked. Which has some interesting implications in our daily lives. Read the rest of this entry »

We’re All Different Yet We’re All the Same

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Spiritual Teachings, Thought | Posted on 16-11-2016

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Different But The Same

We are all different.

Very different. So different that no two of us has the same mixture of magic ingredients that make us who we are. While this is totally awesome as we’d be bored to tears if we were all alike, it’s also what creates ALL the conflict in the world. Unfortunately, most of us don’t realize how different we are and therefore can’t understand why or even that others’ don’t see the world the same way we do.

The average person has no concept of separate realities.

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Second Guessing, Jumping to Conclusions and Filling in the Blanks

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 02-11-2016

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…Or How we Create our Unique Personal Reality

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
Jumping to Conclusions and Filling in the Blanks

What would you do if you found out that everything you think about life, other people and even yourself is at best, a good guess?

As human beings, that’s exactly how we operate.

Ponder this…

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People Are Jerks (But it’s Got Nothing to Do With You) (Even When it Does!)

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 20-09-2016

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

People Are JerksLet’s face it, there are lots of jerky people out there. Many of them are part of our family. Some of them are our friends and colleagues. Heck, sometimes even we are the jerk!

But here’s the thing–when we are not the one being jerky, then it has nothing to do with us.

Regardless of what they are saying or doing.

Jerks are jerks, because they are jerks. Read the rest of this entry »

Why I’m Learning to Keep My Mouth Shut (and You Should Too!)

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Relationships, Things I've Learned, Thought | Posted on 24-08-2016

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Keep Your Mouth Shut![Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

You know the old saying “Mind your own business”? More and more I believe this is the key to a happy life. Heck, it probably should be the slogan for all of humanity!

While I don’t talk a whole lot and try to mind my own business, I can’t tell you how many times a day I say “Just keep your mouth shut”to myself!

It wasn’t always this way. Read the rest of this entry »

Are You Acting Like You’re Still in High School?

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Business, Psychology, Relationships, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 01-08-2016

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Still In High School[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

I enjoy games as much as the next guy. Especially challenging and fun ones. For instance, this game of life we’re all playing. But some of the “games within the game” that I see all around me seem so unnecessary, and in many ways–hurtful.

Sometimes it even feels like I’m back in high school. Read the rest of this entry »

Do You Need More Lightheartedness in Your Life?

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology | Posted on 27-07-2016

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Lighthearted Toad[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Recently, I was taken aback when I learned that many people view lightheartedness as a weakness. Or something they shouldn’t show to the world.

“We’re grown ups, right? We’ve got to be serious!”

Yet I can’t imagine any quality more important to embrace than lightheartedness. Read the rest of this entry »

Can’t Let Them Get Away With That!

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 12-07-2016

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Can't Let Them Get Away With That![Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Everyone makes mistakes. Some are big and some are small. But one way or another, we f*ck up. A lot. And we do it in a variety of ways.

Every. Single. One. Of. Us.

That means you. That means me. That means your spouse. That means your friends. That means the police. That means politicians. That means doctors, lawyers, butchers, bakers and candlestick makers. (Hate when my candlesticks get messed up! 🙂 ). Read the rest of this entry »

Why Do We Fight So Much?

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Thought | Posted on 28-06-2016

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Why Do We FightHave you ever noticed how so much of our day is spent being up in arms about something? (Usually lots of things.)

A friend or lover or stranger says or does something and immediately we jump to the conclusion that it was mean. Or hurtful. Or bad. Or rude. We spend hours, days and weeks (and sadly even years) ruminating on and discussing how awful certain people in our lives are. “How could do they do that?” “How could they say that?” “What is wrong with them?”

And when we’re not bashing those close to us, we branch out to those we don’t even know but just happen to see in the distance. They dress funny. They look funny. They smell funny. They laugh funny. They’re obviously not like us, so quite frankly, they must be just plain weird.

And let’s not forget those who have different political views. Or religious ones. Or a different skin color. Or tattoos. (They’re the worst! 😉 ) We want to keep them out of our lives and sometimes even out of our country.

When we really stop to think about it–and I encourage you to do so for yourself–much of our time here on Earth seems to involve conflict of one sort or another. Our minds always seem ready to spring into action at the tiniest of perceived injustices.

But why? Why do we fight so much? Read the rest of this entry »

How to Transform Any Bad Situation

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Relationships, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 16-05-2016

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Warning…this post contains bad language!

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Will You Choose Fear or Love?Which would you prefer: feeling good or feeling bad?

I’m guessing most of you would say feeling good. And yet…

…so often when confronted with “negative” situations, we hold onto bad feelings a whole lot longer than necessary.

While we go through many emotions throughout our day, the negative ones can seem so “normal” that we don’t even notice them. However, I’ve found the more I make a point to observe my thoughts, the more aware I am of when they are in turmoil. Read the rest of this entry »

How to Break the Cycle of ‘Bad’ Relationships

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Relationships, Thought | Posted on 21-04-2016

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Break The Bad Relationship Cycle!Unless we live alone in a cave with no access to the outside world, we’re always having some sort of relationship with others. These range from casual “smile at you in the street” relationships, to those we have with co-workers, close friends, family, partners, etc.  As adults, we develop a particular way of dealing with each of these types of relationships based on who we believe we are, as well who we perceive others to be. In other words, we deal with people based on beliefs and perceptions that we make up in our heads. Read the rest of this entry »

An Unconditional Love Letter From My True Self to Yours

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Relationships, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 23-03-2016

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Unconditional LoveLast summer someone close to me acted in a manner that based on my values and belief system, I deemed as wrong and unnecessary. For an entire evening as well as throughout the night, my thoughts about the situation were out of control. I woke up the next day and my head felt like it was about to explode. My understanding of how life works had me telling myself “It’s just thought,” but it did nothing to ease the pain I was in. While unsuccessfully trying to distract myself via my iPad, I received an email that was a summary of a talk called “Trusting Others and A Course in Miracles” given by Marianne Williamson. The topic of trust didn’t seem related to my situation, but I clicked over to read it anyway. Read the rest of this entry »

Should Others Have to Earn Our Trust?

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Relationships, Spirituality, Thought | Posted on 24-02-2016

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

To Trust or Not to TrustWhen I hear of people who no longer trust others because they were “burned before,” it makes me sad.

As I see it, there are two ways of looking at trust:

The first is to see people as untrustworthy until proven otherwise, and the second is the opposite–to see people as trustworthy until proven otherwise.

Only a one-word difference, but with huge implications. Read the rest of this entry »

Labeling and Judging: Why Do We Label Others?

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Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Spirituality, Things I've Learned, Thought | Posted on 26-01-2016

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Being JudgedNow that I’m often observing my thoughts, I’ve noticed some that surprise me.  For instance, I never thought of myself as judgmental, yet some of my thoughts tell me otherwise. Read the rest of this entry »