What Did You Do With Jill?Jill Whalen's healthy lifestyle transformation                                               

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I’ve seen so many articles that tell us we should push past our fears and/or try to control them. While that’s satisfactory short-term advice, it’s not a long-term solution.

It’s simply not possible to control fear.

Fear always comes from thought in the moment. And thoughts are not under our control. Read the rest of this entry »

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My husband and I have been playing tennis during the summer for the past few years. This year we started a bit late in the season. It was staying lighter later in the evenings, but neither of us had mentioned tennis. I thought it would be a good idea to play again, but also had many contradictory thoughts. My back hurt, it was too hot, tennis was too much work. Blah, blah, blah. So rather than bring it up, I waited to see if my husband would get around to suggesting it.

Meanwhile I was secretly hoping he’d forget!

Inevitably, the day came when he asked if I wanted to play the next day.  To which I simply replied, “Sure.”

Had my thoughts and feelings changed about it?

Nope. Had my backed stopped hurting? Nope.

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How much of our good behavior is an attempt to fit in, be liked and not call attention to ourselves?

Most humans are generally good. They want to do the right thing as much as possible. Which great, because when we’re in a sticky situation, we can almost always find someone who’s willing to help us out.

But we also have a related drive of wanting to be liked. Which has some interesting implications in our daily lives. Read the rest of this entry »

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“What wise or stupid thing can man conceive that was not thought of in ages long ago?“

–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust, Part 2, Act II, The Gothic Chamber

For the past month or so, I’ve been hanging out at a few Facebook anxiety groups. A common question I see there is: “Am I the only one who experiences X, Y, or Z? Or alternatively, “Am I the only one who thinks these things and feels this way?”

The answer, of course, is a big, fat NO, as evidenced by all the others who join in and comment about their similar experiences. Read the rest of this entry »

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Raise your hand if you’re a workaholic.

If you work 10+ hours a day, my Magic 8 Ball tells me that “chances are good” you are.

Like most workaholics, you probably have lots of excuses reasons why you have to work.

“Demanding boss.”

“Someone’s gotta do it.”

“Not enough time in the day.”

“I’m the only one who can do it right.”

I might ruffle some feathers here, but I’m calling bullshit on all of it.

The reason you are a workaholic is, just like all addictions, it feels good to you.

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If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, you know I write a lot about happiness. I’ve learned through deep insights that happiness is something inside of us that’s available at all times. It’s not something we get from others (even though we often think it is). And it’s not something we get from stuff (even though we often think it is).

Which is all good in theory.

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I saw a scene in a movie recently where a boy had fallen out of a boat and was thrashing around because he couldn’t swim. His friend on the shore yelled, “Just stand up!” As it turned out, he was in shallow water and simply needed to put his feet on the ground.

Once he knew he could stand, drowning was no longer an issue.

It’s the same with any misunderstanding.

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Do you pay attention to how you feel?

It’s one of the most important things we can do for ourselves.

Because when we’re not feeling generally happy, we’re out of alignment with our true nature.

While it’s okay to feel bad (it happens to the best of us!), it’s not our natural state. Sadly, we’re so used to feeling crappy, we think that it’s normal.

But it’s definitely not.

Feeling unhappy is a sign that we’re out sync with our innate well-being.

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“My thoughts are real.

They feel solid and trustworthy and true.

My beliefs are correct.

If only everyone else could see things the way I do, they would agree.

It’s so obvious.

Why can’t they see it?

How can they believe what they believe when it’s so blatantly wrong?”

Welcome to the inside of my head.

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I once wrote a blog post on the topic of surrendering and letting go and how that was the secret to end suffering.

But you asked, “How do I do it? How do I let go?”

My answer was always something along the lines of: How do you let go when falling asleep at night? And how do you let go when you don’t like the weather?

Even with these metaphors, surrendering or letting go still sounds like there’s something to do.

Recently, however, a colleague of mine said he’s been using the phrase “let it be” rather than “let go.”

I like it! Read the rest of this entry »

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“You’re so dumb!” 

“You should know better.”

“You’re no good at that.”

“What makes you think you’re so great?”

Would you pay attention to and believe someone who said those things to you on a regular basis?

Probably not!

So why do you listen to and believe that voice in your head that says them?

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Have you ever had a sense of “The Flow” when playing a sport or pursuing a creative endeavor?

While flow (or being in “The Zone”) has always been a part of my work and my writing, I became acutely aware of it when I took up tennis a couple of years ago. At first I was pretty clunky. I had to deliberately think about everything I was doing in order to have any chance of hitting the ball. But after awhile and with enough practice, I was able to get the ball over the net with some proficiency.

However…

The more I thought about what I was trying to do, the worse I got.

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In my last blog post, I pondered personal identity and what we think of as our true self. I wrote about how we’re not who we think we are, and that we can’t really define what or who our true self is–because there’s no such thing.

And then I went to Disney World.

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I had a bit of an insight about our “true selves” last week which I’ll try to put into words here. I hope it makes some semblance of sense.

Here’s what I’ve seen…

As human beings, we are so wedded to our personality. Our individuality. Our identity. That part of us that seems to make us who we are. Our uniqueness. Our specialness.

Yet these aspects of us are also often our downfall. Read the rest of this entry »

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About a month ago a colleague was telling me about her business friend who picks up potential clients everywhere she goes. She seems to have perfected the art of meeting random people, telling them what she does for a living, and eventually signing them on as clients.

This peaked my curiosity as I’ve been struggling for what to say when people ask what I do. Often  I revert back to telling them about my old SEO career and how I’m now retired. Then I mumble something about what I’m up to these days. But overall, I haven’t felt very clear about it.

So I started thinking about what might be a good “elevator pitch” for the work I do now. As I pondered this a bit, it suddenly hit me: Read the rest of this entry »

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Part of life entails making snap judgments about people and circumstances. As soon as we learn to talk or even just understand language, we start categorizing and labeling everything we encounter.

This labeling, however, leads us to making assumptions–especially about people. As soon as we meet someone new we try to figure out what they’re about and who they remind us of. There’s nothing wrong with doing this, but when we “typecast” others consciously or unconsciously it can cause problems.

I saw this in action recently when an old friend of mine was accused of being a “certain type” by someone who didn’t know her very well.

Here’s how it played out…

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There is nothing better than the feeling of peace.

Which is why we spend every moment of every day attempting to find it. Peace is like a homing device that’s beckoning us to come closer. It’s a sense of calm neutrality. It’s true happiness. In his new book, Michael Neill calls it “The Space Within.” And in Dicken Bettinger and Natasha Swerdloff’s book, they call it “Coming Home.” Anita Moorjani might call it “Heaven on Earth.”

Regardless of what you call it, peace is the feeling we all strive for–whether we know it or not.

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We are all different.

Very different. So different that no two of us has the same mixture of magic ingredients that make us who we are. While this is totally awesome as we’d be bored to tears if we were all alike, it’s also what creates ALL the conflict in the world. Unfortunately, most of us don’t realize how different we are and therefore can’t understand why or even that others’ don’t see the world the same way we do.

The average person has no concept of separate realities.

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…Or How we Create our Unique Personal Reality

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What would you do if you found out that everything you think about life, other people and even yourself is at best, a good guess?

As human beings, that’s exactly how we operate.

Ponder this…

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In a recent popular post I talked about how keeping our mouth shut when others seem to do or say things that bother us, can go a long way towards strengthening our relationships with them.

While this practice has been very helpful to me (when I remember) I can’t help but wonder…

Why am I’m bothered by them in the first place?

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