What Did You Do With Jill?Jill Whalen's healthy lifestyle transformation                                               

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The most natural desire we human beings have, is to feel needed and loved. So we do whatever we can to win that love from others. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. To keep the cycle going, we do our best to try to reciprocate that love.

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If you browse through this blog or watch my YouTube videos, you may notice that a lot of what I talk about is often (usually?) the opposite of what you see elsewhere. In fact, my teachings often go against societal norms and the “self-help” industry all together.

For instance, I’ve written about how, when other people are mad at us, it is not an attack on us. Even if they’re physically and verbally demonstrating it to us.

But how can that be?

We are conditioned to believe that everything must be about us in some way.

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a “Victim of Thought Show which is on this subject which you can view here or at the end of this post.]

We all know and use the phrase, “Let’s agree to disagree.”

It gets pulled out when we’re getting nowhere in an argument or discussion. From our point of view, the other person is simply not listening well, or isn’t very intelligent, or just doesn’t get the facts of the situation. Because obviously if they did, they would agree with us! So rather than cause a scene or escalate the situation, we agree to disagree.

Or at least we say we do.

But inside, we know we are right!

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a corresponding video.]

If you’ve read any of my blog posts, you know I write about how it’s our thoughts that create our entire experience of life. In other words, as much as it appears that other people and situations cause us to feel how we feel–they don’t. The way we feel in any given moment is always and only a factor of whatever thoughts happen to pop in our heads at that time.

You don’t have to believe me, but…

This is the “One Truth” of how the world works.

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Once upon a time there was a world called, “Inside-Out Land.” There, it was impossible for anyone to upset a fellow “Inside-Outer.” It wasn’t that they couldn’t become upset–they could. It was that their society as a whole understood where their feelings came from.

They knew when they were upset (or happy, or scared or sad), it was always and only because their thoughts naturally created those feelings within them. Just as they were designed to do.

Because of this knowledge, they lived in relative peace.

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I lived half a century before I learned how life really works!

Even though it took so long, I’m very grateful I eventually learned it. Sadly, most people never do.

You see, we are brought up believing the world works one way, when it actually works another. It isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s simply a misunderstanding perpetuated by our society and culture. A very convincing misunderstanding, for sure. But a misunderstanding, nevertheless.

However…

When we learn how things really work, it can transform our lives in amazing ways!

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. This post also has an accompanying video at the end.]

Are there situations in your life that appear to be crushing your soul?

You know the ones I mean…

Perhaps it’s your job.

You have a soul-sucking boss who not only doesn’t appreciate you, but is often downright nasty. Maybe your colleagues are lazy and/or backstabbing, and just out for themselves. Every day, going to work feels so anxiety-laden. “What will they all do to me today?” you wonder, as you get dressed in the morning.

You often find yourself saying, “If only I had a job where I was appreciated.” Read the rest of this entry »

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Shakespeare once said, “All the world’s a stage.” While he was talking about the various stages of life we go through, the short tale you are about to read is in reference to the kind of stage in which plays play out… 

Once upon a time in a faraway land, there existed only a stage.

It wasn’t your everyday stage. It was a grande, regal, magical one. What made it so special was that the entire universe consisted solely of this omnipresent stage.

The stage had no name, nor did it need one because there was nothing else but it. However, in the universe in which this story is told, labels are useful, so we’ll call it “Mo.” The stage also had no specific gender, but again, for purposes of this story, we’ll use “he” and “him” when referring to Mo. But in reality, he was more of an “it” than a “he.”

Mo’s magicalness meant that he continuously created an infinite supply of scenery, props, costumes and actors to perform within the stage that was him. This provided an endless variety of shows playing out for his enjoyment, amusement and entertainment. Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

A couple of months ago I wrote a blog post on how we attack ourselves and then blame others. Lately, I’ve noticed that blame is even more insidious in our everyday lives than I first realized.

For example, let’s say someone misses a meeting. One would think they could only have themselves to blame. Yet suddenly it’s the meeting host’s fault for not sending out a reminder. Or perhaps someone asks another person to help them with something. Yet when it doesn’t come out quite right, it’s somehow the helper’s fault!

We see this sort of blaming every day…usually related to the insecurities of the blamer. Our fragile little egos hate to admit fault, especially when there’s an easy target at whom we can point our finger. Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

I was gifted with a HUGE insight recently. I saw how what I perceived as a verbal attack on me was not what I thought it was. With this realization, it was crystal clear where my bad/mad/scared feelings came from.

I felt attacked based on my own deep-seated unconscious beliefs that I was not good enough. Beliefs, I daresay, that I didn’t even know I had!

In other words, my feelings were 100% created from my own insecure thoughts–not what was said to me.

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We all have our stories. Lots of them. But most of the time we have no idea that they’re stories. We think they are who we are, so they become our identity. But what we often don’t realize, is that identity itself is just a belief system. And beliefs are simply a whole bunch of thoughts we keep on thinking. (Until we don’t.)

I’ve certainly had my stories over the years, and like everyone, I still do. I just don’t hold onto them as tightly as I used to.

Here’s the Cliff Notes version of my old story:

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Did you know that you have two minds?

If you’re like I was most of my life, you may not be in tune with what’s going on in your head at any given moment. So you may not be aware of your mind’s seemingly split personality. However, if you pay attention, it doesn’t take long to see our two minds in action.

There’s our “ego mind” and our “wisdom mind.”

Our ego mind is filled with fear and is mostly wrong about everything, yet it loudly and proudly proclaims its rightness.

Meanwhile, our wisdom mind is filled with love and sits quietly in the background knowing the real truth, and having the right answers.

In some ways, our split mind is like the proverbial angel and devil on our shoulders.

Here’s the problem…

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Have you ever noticed how certain people are always up in arms about something?

Whether it’s a situation at work, home or in our social circles, we can easily find a reason to feel put upon. As soon as one problem is cleared up, there’s always another around the corner. Plus there are plenty of horrible happenings in the news to feel bad about just in case we can’t find anything to complain about locally!

No doubt, there are a zillion things we can be up in arms over. But why would we want to? It seems kinda dumb to me. Read the rest of this entry »

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How much of our good behavior is an attempt to fit in, be liked and not call attention to ourselves?

Most humans are generally good. They want to do the right thing as much as possible. Which great, because when we’re in a sticky situation, we can almost always find someone who’s willing to help us out.

But we also have a related drive of wanting to be liked. Which has some interesting implications in our daily lives. Read the rest of this entry »

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“What wise or stupid thing can man conceive that was not thought of in ages long ago?“

–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust, Part 2, Act II, The Gothic Chamber

For the past month or so, I’ve been hanging out at a few Facebook anxiety groups. A common question I see there is: “Am I the only one who experiences X, Y, or Z? Or alternatively, “Am I the only one who thinks these things and feels this way?”

The answer, of course, is a big, fat NO, as evidenced by all the others who join in and comment about their similar experiences. Read the rest of this entry »

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Raise your hand if you’re a workaholic.

If you work 10+ hours a day, my Magic 8 Ball tells me that “chances are good” you are.

Like most workaholics, you probably have lots of excuses reasons why you have to work.

“Demanding boss.”

“Someone’s gotta do it.”

“Not enough time in the day.”

“I’m the only one who can do it right.”

I might ruffle some feathers here, but I’m calling bullshit on all of it.

The reason you are a workaholic is, just like all addictions, it feels good to you.

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If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, you know I write a lot about happiness. I’ve learned through deep insights that happiness is something inside of us that’s available at all times. It’s not something we get from others (even though we often think it is). And it’s not something we get from stuff (even though we often think it is).

Which is all good in theory.

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Do you pay attention to how you feel?

It’s one of the most important things we can do for ourselves.

Because when we’re not feeling generally happy, we’re out of alignment with our true nature.

While it’s okay to feel bad (it happens to the best of us!), it’s not our natural state. Sadly, we’re so used to feeling crappy, we think that it’s normal.

But it’s definitely not.

Feeling unhappy is a sign that we’re out sync with our innate well-being.

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I once wrote a blog post on the topic of surrendering and letting go and how that was the secret to end suffering.

But you asked, “How do I do it? How do I let go?”

My answer was always something along the lines of: How do you let go when falling asleep at night? And how do you let go when you don’t like the weather?

Even with these metaphors, surrendering or letting go still sounds like there’s something to do.

Recently, however, a colleague of mine said he’s been using the phrase “let it be” rather than “let go.”

I like it! Read the rest of this entry »