What Did You Do With Jill?Jill Whalen's healthy lifestyle transformation                                               

There is no such thing as “The Capitalist” Or “The Progressives,” or “The Liberals,” or “The Muslims,” or “The Jews,” or “The Homeless,” or “The Non-Dualists,” or “The 3 Principles Community,” or “The Republicans,” or “The Democrats,” or “The Rich,” or “The Poor,” or “The Atheists,” or “The Anti-Vaxxers” or “The Trumpists.” Or any other label we can dream up or imagine.

There are only images in our mind of what those labels mean.

We need labels in order to make sense of, and communicate within this world. However, they also create separation and divisiveness. We love those we feel part of, and hate those that seem in opposition. Yet if we take one individual from any group, it’s guaranteed they will have differing opinions from other members of the group. Which is also why there is often divisiveness within the groups themselves.

All Labels Are Stereotypes.

They are convenient shortcuts to help us be concise in our language. However, those shortcuts come with a price. When we use labels in everyday conversation, it suggests that there is some sort of solid entity that has a very specific set of beliefs, and dogma. The label itself, makes it “a thing” in and of itself. And yet, the “thing” doesn’t exist beyond our very own (unique) idea of what it means to be “that thing.”

What’s Really Happening?

Unfortunately, the vocal minority of most groups, is where we get our stereotypes. Or worse, the ones that say the most provocative things. They are often the most extreme members of those groups. Yet when those extreme views clash with ours, our categorizing brain likes to attribute them to the entire group.

For instance, some may think of Capitalists as “those people who want others to be poor because they are selfish and want all the money for themselves.”

Or some might think of Muslims as “those people who blow up buildings.”

Or perhaps some think of Liberals as “those people who want everything to be free in life, without realizing that the money has to come from somewhere.” And while there may be some members that have those beliefs and intentions, those views never describe the group as a whole.

Most groups are made up of well-intentioned people who want the best for the world and themselves.

So What Can We Do to Fix This Misunderstanding?

First, it’s very important to open up our own minds even just a tiny bit to consider what I’ve said above. That what we think of as a group, might in reality be the vocal minority within that group. If/when we do that, it can loosen up the image we have in our mind of that group.

Next, if we want to have a discussion about current events, or politics, or religion, or whatever else, rather than calling out an entire group of people as being bad, or wrong based on the words and deeds of a some, simply call out those specific people. In other words, if we don’t like people who blow up buildings (and who really does?) then talk about them specifically, rather than as a group.

For instance, there’s nothing wrong in saying “Those people who blow up buildings, shouldn’t be allowed in our country.” Why do we need to label them as part of a larger group where the majority wants nothing to do with such acts of violence?

And if we don’t like the idea of there being selfish people who want others to be poor so they can have all the money for themselves (and again…who really does?) then use that whole phrase, rather than a shortcut label. While it’s easier to substitute the one word “Capitalist,” it only describes some individuals within the larger group of Capitalists.

And if we don’t like the idea of people wanting to live off handouts without working for a living while we have to earn our money, then say that. There’s no need to place all Liberals under that umbrella.

In summary…

All groups are made up of unique individuals who have many varied points of view. Some we may agree with, others we may not. If we were to speak one-on-one with any individual member, I am certain we would find many areas of agreement and overlap of views. We would also realize that no group in and of itself is “all bad.”

It’s all in how we imagine them to be.

I welcome your thoughts.

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. This post also has a corresponding video here.]

This week I want to share with you some recent insights I had about a way in which we innocently create our own moment-to-moment suffering in life.

During our typical day, we naturally go through lots of emotions such as anger, anxiety and sadness. None of which are a problem in and of themselves. They become a problem, however, when the secondary thoughts and feelings we have about these emotions, take hold. Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a corresponding video.]

If you’ve read any of my blog posts, you know I write about how it’s our thoughts that create our entire experience of life. In other words, as much as it appears that other people and situations cause us to feel how we feel–they don’t. The way we feel in any given moment is always and only a factor of whatever thoughts happen to pop in our heads at that time.

You don’t have to believe me, but…

This is the “One Truth” of how the world works.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

I lived half a century before I learned how life really works!

Even though it took so long, I’m very grateful I eventually learned it. Sadly, most people never do.

You see, we are brought up believing the world works one way, when it actually works another. It isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s simply a misunderstanding perpetuated by our society and culture. A very convincing misunderstanding, for sure. But a misunderstanding, nevertheless.

However…

When we learn how things really work, it can transform our lives in amazing ways!

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. This post also has an accompanying video at the end.]

Are there situations in your life that appear to be crushing your soul?

You know the ones I mean…

Perhaps it’s your job.

You have a soul-sucking boss who not only doesn’t appreciate you, but is often downright nasty. Maybe your colleagues are lazy and/or backstabbing, and just out for themselves. Every day, going to work feels so anxiety-laden. “What will they all do to me today?” you wonder, as you get dressed in the morning.

You often find yourself saying, “If only I had a job where I was appreciated.” Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

In a recent blog post I wrote that whatever is going on in our lives is simply what’s happening. This is true of both good and bad things. Whether it’s a so-called problem, a crisis, an illness, or something stupendously superb–it’s just what’s happening.

Which means that we have no control over it.

And by “it,” I mean stuff. Life. Everything.

I can already hear your ego-self rebelling at those words. If so, you’re especially not gonna like this next bit. Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a corresponding video you can watch.]

We humans are a crazy bunch!  I mean that literally. Major league, out of our minds, mentally mad and utterly unstable.

Which feels crappy.

So we spend every minute of the day trying to be a little less crazy.

We do this in a variety of ever-changing ways…

We eat. We drink. We run. We meditate. We dance. We gossip. We Facebook. We shop. We love. We sing. We write. We put ourselves above others. We play. We cry.

And we feel a little better.

For about 5 minutes. Then we’re back to feeling crazy again. Eventually, we start to recognize that outside stimuli can only relieve our feelings of craziness temporarily.

So we begin to look within.

We believe that when we get to know our spiritual nature, it’ll cure our craziness.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

I was gifted with a HUGE insight recently. I saw how what I perceived as a verbal attack on me was not what I thought it was. With this realization, it was crystal clear where my bad/mad/scared feelings came from.

I felt attacked based on my own deep-seated unconscious beliefs that I was not good enough. Beliefs, I daresay, that I didn’t even know I had!

In other words, my feelings were 100% created from my own insecure thoughts–not what was said to me.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

I’ve seen so many articles that tell us we should push past our fears and/or try to control them. While that’s satisfactory short-term advice, it’s not a long-term solution.

It’s simply not possible to control fear.

Fear always comes from thought in the moment. And thoughts are not under our control. Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

“What wise or stupid thing can man conceive that was not thought of in ages long ago?“

–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust, Part 2, Act II, The Gothic Chamber

For the past month or so, I’ve been hanging out at a few Facebook anxiety groups. A common question I see there is: “Am I the only one who experiences X, Y, or Z? Or alternatively, “Am I the only one who thinks these things and feels this way?”

The answer, of course, is a big, fat NO, as evidenced by all the others who join in and comment about their similar experiences. Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, you know I write a lot about happiness. I’ve learned through deep insights that happiness is something inside of us that’s available at all times. It’s not something we get from others (even though we often think it is). And it’s not something we get from stuff (even though we often think it is).

Which is all good in theory.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

I saw a scene in a movie recently where a boy had fallen out of a boat and was thrashing around because he couldn’t swim. His friend on the shore yelled, “Just stand up!” As it turned out, he was in shallow water and simply needed to put his feet on the ground.

Once he knew he could stand, drowning was no longer an issue.

It’s the same with any misunderstanding.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

I once wrote a blog post on the topic of surrendering and letting go and how that was the secret to end suffering.

But you asked, “How do I do it? How do I let go?”

My answer was always something along the lines of: How do you let go when falling asleep at night? And how do you let go when you don’t like the weather?

Even with these metaphors, surrendering or letting go still sounds like there’s something to do.

Recently, however, a colleague of mine said he’s been using the phrase “let it be” rather than “let go.”

I like it! Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

“You’re so dumb!” 

“You should know better.”

“You’re no good at that.”

“What makes you think you’re so great?”

Would you pay attention to and believe someone who said those things to you on a regular basis?

Probably not!

So why do you listen to and believe that voice in your head that says them?

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

In my last blog post, I pondered personal identity and what we think of as our true self. I wrote about how we’re not who we think we are, and that we can’t really define what or who our true self is–because there’s no such thing.

And then I went to Disney World.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Part of life entails making snap judgments about people and circumstances. As soon as we learn to talk or even just understand language, we start categorizing and labeling everything we encounter.

This labeling, however, leads us to making assumptions–especially about people. As soon as we meet someone new we try to figure out what they’re about and who they remind us of. There’s nothing wrong with doing this, but when we “typecast” others consciously or unconsciously it can cause problems.

I saw this in action recently when an old friend of mine was accused of being a “certain type” by someone who didn’t know her very well.

Here’s how it played out…

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There is also a video to go along with this topic.]

There is nothing better than the feeling of peace.

Which is why we spend every moment of every day attempting to find it. Peace is like a homing device that’s beckoning us to come closer. It’s a sense of calm neutrality. It’s true happiness. In his new book, Michael Neill calls it “The Space Within.” And in Dicken Bettinger and Natasha Swerdloff’s book, they call it “Coming Home.” Anita Moorjani might call it “Heaven on Earth.”

Regardless of what you call it, peace is the feeling we all strive for–whether we know it or not.

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

In a recent popular post I talked about how keeping our mouth shut when others seem to do or say things that bother us, can go a long way towards strengthening our relationships with them.

While this practice has been very helpful to me (when I remember) I can’t help but wonder…

Why am I’m bothered by them in the first place?

Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

I was recently at a seminar about mental wellbeing facilitated by Dr. Bill Pettit and his wife, Dr. Linda Pettit. They are a psychiatrist and psychologist with many decades of clinical experience. What makes them and this seminar interesting, however, was rather than focusing on the mental illnesses and diagnoses of what’s wrong, they are more interested in the opposite. That is, the innate wellbeing inside each of their patients. From the schizophrenic to the bipolar, to the average couple having marital problems, this pair of Docs (paradox!) are able to see right past all of that. They zero in on the natural mental health that resides deep within their patients (and all of us). Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]

Why is it so hard for us to be our true authentic self?

My guess is fear.

It seems that our authenticity gets “beaten” out of us when we’re little. Between getting teased as kids for being our wacky selves and our parents berating us to “act like everyone else,” slowly but surely we start to create a public persona that’s considered socially acceptable. We believe if the rest of the world knew how crazy, weird, dumb, silly or whatever we are deep inside, that there’s no way in hell they could like us–let alone love us. Read the rest of this entry »