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What would you do if you found out that everything you think about life, other people and even yourself is at best, a good guess?
As human beings, that’s exactly how we operate.
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
In a recent popular post I talked about how keeping our mouth shut when others seem to do or say things that bother us, can go a long way towards strengthening our relationships with them.
While this practice has been very helpful to me (when I remember) I can’t help but wonder…
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What if I told you that you’ve been lied to your entire life?
Not just you, but everyone.
And what if this lie was making you (and the rest of the world) feel miserable?
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Let’s face it, there are lots of jerky people out there. Many of them are part of our family. Some of them are our friends and colleagues. Heck, sometimes even we are the jerk!
But here’s the thing–when we are not the one being jerky, then it has nothing to do with us.
Regardless of what they are saying or doing.
Jerks are jerks, because they are jerks. Read the rest of this entry »
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You know the old saying “Mind your own business”? More and more I believe this is the key to a happy life. Heck, it probably should be the slogan for all of humanity!
While I don’t talk a whole lot and try to mind my own business, I can’t tell you how many times a day I say “Just keep your mouth shut”…to myself!
It wasn’t always this way. Read the rest of this entry »
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
I enjoy games as much as the next guy. Especially challenging and fun ones. For instance, this game of life we’re all playing. But some of the “games within the game” that I see all around me seem so unnecessary, and in many ways–hurtful.
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
Everyone makes mistakes. Some are big and some are small. But one way or another, we f*ck up. A lot. And we do it in a variety of ways.
That means you. That means me. That means your spouse. That means your friends. That means the police. That means politicians. That means doctors, lawyers, butchers, bakers and candlestick makers. (Hate when my candlesticks get messed up! 🙂 ). Read the rest of this entry »
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
Have you ever noticed how so much of our day is spent being up in arms about something? (Usually lots of things.)
A friend or lover or stranger says or does something and immediately we jump to the conclusion that it was mean. Or hurtful. Or bad. Or rude. We spend hours, days and weeks (and sadly even years) ruminating on and discussing how awful certain people in our lives are. “How could do they do that?” “How could they say that?” “What is wrong with them?”
And when we’re not bashing those close to us, we branch out to those we don’t even know but just happen to see in the distance. They dress funny. They look funny. They smell funny. They laugh funny. They’re obviously not like us, so quite frankly, they must be just plain weird.
And let’s not forget those who have different political views. Or religious ones. Or a different skin color. Or tattoos. (They’re the worst! 😉 ) We want to keep them out of our lives and sometimes even out of our country.
When we really stop to think about it–and I encourage you to do so for yourself–much of our time here on Earth seems to involve conflict of one sort or another. Our minds always seem ready to spring into action at the tiniest of perceived injustices.
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
I was recently at a seminar about mental wellbeing facilitated by Dr. Bill Pettit and his wife, Dr. Linda Pettit. They are a psychiatrist and psychologist with many decades of clinical experience. What makes them and this seminar interesting, however, was rather than focusing on the mental illnesses and diagnoses of what’s wrong, they are more interested in the opposite. That is, the innate wellbeing inside each of their patients. From the schizophrenic to the bipolar, to the average couple having marital problems, this pair of Docs (paradox!) are able to see right past all of that. They zero in on the natural mental health that resides deep within their patients (and all of us). Read the rest of this entry »
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
Why is it so hard for us to be our true authentic self?
My guess is fear.
It seems that our authenticity gets “beaten” out of us when we’re little. Between getting teased as kids for being our wacky selves and our parents berating us to “act like everyone else,” slowly but surely we start to create a public persona that’s considered socially acceptable. We believe if the rest of the world knew how crazy, weird, dumb, silly or whatever we are deep inside, that there’s no way in hell they could like us–let alone love us. Read the rest of this entry »
Warning…this post contains bad language!
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
Which would you prefer: feeling good or feeling bad?
I’m guessing most of you would say feeling good. And yet…
…so often when confronted with “negative” situations, we hold onto bad feelings a whole lot longer than necessary.
While we go through many emotions throughout our day, the negative ones can seem so “normal” that we don’t even notice them. However, I’ve found the more I make a point to observe my thoughts, the more aware I am of when they are in turmoil. Read the rest of this entry »
Unless we live alone in a cave with no access to the outside world, we’re always having some sort of relationship with others. These range from casual “smile at you in the street” relationships, to those we have with co-workers, close friends, family, partners, etc. As adults, we develop a particular way of dealing with each of these types of relationships based on who we believe we are, as well who we perceive others to be. In other words, we deal with people based on beliefs and perceptions that we make up in our heads. Read the rest of this entry »
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
How’s life treating you these days?Is it fun? Is it peaceful?
Or is it tedious and hard?
If you answered the latter, what’s making life such a struggle for you? Read the rest of this entry »
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Last summer someone close to me acted in a manner that based on my values and belief system, I deemed as wrong and unnecessary. For an entire evening as well as throughout the night, my thoughts about the situation were out of control. I woke up the next day and my head felt like it was about to explode. My understanding of how life works had me telling myself “It’s just thought,” but it did nothing to ease the pain I was in. While unsuccessfully trying to distract myself via my iPad, I received an email that was a summary of a talk called “Trusting Others and A Course in Miracles” given by Marianne Williamson. The topic of trust didn’t seem related to my situation, but I clicked over to read it anyway. Read the rest of this entry »
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
For many, a natural consequence of life is to (unofficially) keep score in relationships. For instance, “I called him last time, so it’s his turn to call this time.” “He paid last time, so I’ll pay this time.” “I said “I love you, so now it’s her turn.” But when the score starts getting out of whack, people often freak out and may even start to think and feel like they’re being taken advantage of. Certainly if a relationship is sooooo one-sided in all respects it may be time to re-evaluate it. But in most relationships, this isn’t the case.
Much of the time the uneven score can be chalked up to a simple misunderstanding: Read the rest of this entry »
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When I hear of people who no longer trust others because they were “burned before,” it makes me sad.
The first is to see people as untrustworthy until proven otherwise, and the second is the opposite–to see people as trustworthy until proven otherwise.
Only a one-word difference, but with huge implications. Read the rest of this entry »
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
I recently read a post in a Facebook group from a woman (let’s call her Jane) who was asking what people thought of the following:
Someone in her life (according to Jane): “Broke all her values, hurt her personally and deeply, made her cry and suffer and lose sleep for months.” Eventually Jane came to terms with the situation, but out of the blue the person invited her over for Christmas as if nothing had happened. She was confused and wondered what to do. Read the rest of this entry »
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Image Credit: Jessica Lucia
Imagine you are someone who learned to play checkers from a very early age and it’s the only game you play. You know all the rules, follow them to a T and play it confidently and well. At some point in your life you meet a partner who has played chess all his life. He knows all the rules, follows them to a T and plays it confidently and well. One day you take out your board and say let’s play! You’re both familiar with the game board itself, but each have your own separate pieces and own set of rules for playing. Read the rest of this entry »
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. You may also want to watch the video where I answer some questions about anxiety.]
Disclaimer: Anyone who’s followed me for any length of time knows I’d be the first to tell you that if you see a claim on a blog that says something like “be free from anxiety without doing anything!” you should leave that blog and never come back. Which is super ironic in that’s exactly what I’m about to tell you in this blog post. However, if you bear with me, I promise that what I’ve learned and seen work in my own life is not akin to some fake “overnight success” story where if you just send me all your money I’ll tell you the secret! Not in the least. First of all, I don’t want your money. Second of all, the “secret” if you will, is actually just common sense. But you know how common sense is–not common unless you actually know it. Sadly, most of us have grown up being taught the exact opposite of what I’m about to tell you.
Sooooo…if you haven’t been scared off yet and you trust me to deliver on the goods, then the worst that will happen is you’ll think I’m a quack and move on. The BEST is you’ll hear something that just might possibly change your life.
Intrigued? Then please continue… Read the rest of this entry »
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version.]
Let’s face it, we are egocentric beings. We live in our heads and see the world through our own unique (skewed) perspective. Most of the time we forget or simply never think about the fact that everyone else on the planet is doing the same.
And guess what?
99.99% of others’ thoughts are all about them–just as 99.99% of yours are about you. (My made-up statistic. 😉 )
This is not to say that none of us care or have empathy and compassion for others. We do. But most of the time when we have other people on our minds, we are usually wondering what they’re thinking of us, or how what they’re thinking might impact us. Read the rest of this entry »
