What Did You Do With Jill?Jill Whalen's healthy lifestyle transformation                                               

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The most natural desire we human beings have, is to feel needed and loved. So we do whatever we can to win that love from others. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. To keep the cycle going, we do our best to try to reciprocate that love.

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If you browse through this blog or watch my YouTube videos, you may notice that a lot of what I talk about is often (usually?) the opposite of what you see elsewhere. In fact, my teachings often go against societal norms and the “self-help” industry all together.

For instance, I’ve written about how, when other people are mad at us, it is not an attack on us. Even if they’re physically and verbally demonstrating it to us.

But how can that be?

We are conditioned to believe that everything must be about us in some way.

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a “Victim of Thought Show which is on this subject which you can view here or at the end of this post.]

We all know and use the phrase, “Let’s agree to disagree.”

It gets pulled out when we’re getting nowhere in an argument or discussion. From our point of view, the other person is simply not listening well, or isn’t very intelligent, or just doesn’t get the facts of the situation. Because obviously if they did, they would agree with us! So rather than cause a scene or escalate the situation, we agree to disagree.

Or at least we say we do.

But inside, we know we are right!

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Once upon a time there was a world called, “Inside-Out Land.” There, it was impossible for anyone to upset a fellow “Inside-Outer.” It wasn’t that they couldn’t become upset–they could. It was that their society as a whole understood where their feelings came from.

They knew when they were upset (or happy, or scared or sad), it was always and only because their thoughts naturally created those feelings within them. Just as they were designed to do.

Because of this knowledge, they lived in relative peace.

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We spend so much of our present moment time trying to predict the future. And when we’re not doing that, we ruminate over the past. We beat ourselves up for putting ourselves in the situation we’re in, and do our best to figure out every possible solution and outcome.

Neither of which is helpful.

All the wishing in the world that we did things differently can’t change the current state of affairs. Learning from our mistakes is one thing, but placing blame on ourselves or others for how things turned out, is 100% useless. There’s no sense in looking back.

Inevitably, life throws curve balls at us.

What’s happening now, is just what’s happening now.

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a related video.]

Nobody likes being angry.

It feels pretty crappy.

The more angry we feel inside, the more we want to do something about it. Sometimes an angry outburst is enough to rid the body of our crappy feelings. Often, however, we say or do such horrible things during our outburst that we feel worse.

So we try and manage our anger.

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I lived half a century before I learned how life really works!

Even though it took so long, I’m very grateful I eventually learned it. Sadly, most people never do.

You see, we are brought up believing the world works one way, when it actually works another. It isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s simply a misunderstanding perpetuated by our society and culture. A very convincing misunderstanding, for sure. But a misunderstanding, nevertheless.

However…

When we learn how things really work, it can transform our lives in amazing ways!

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[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. This post also has an accompanying video at the end.]

Are there situations in your life that appear to be crushing your soul?

You know the ones I mean…

Perhaps it’s your job.

You have a soul-sucking boss who not only doesn’t appreciate you, but is often downright nasty. Maybe your colleagues are lazy and/or backstabbing, and just out for themselves. Every day, going to work feels so anxiety-laden. “What will they all do to me today?” you wonder, as you get dressed in the morning.

You often find yourself saying, “If only I had a job where I was appreciated.” Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

A couple of months ago I wrote a blog post on how we attack ourselves and then blame others. Lately, I’ve noticed that blame is even more insidious in our everyday lives than I first realized.

For example, let’s say someone misses a meeting. One would think they could only have themselves to blame. Yet suddenly it’s the meeting host’s fault for not sending out a reminder. Or perhaps someone asks another person to help them with something. Yet when it doesn’t come out quite right, it’s somehow the helper’s fault!

We see this sort of blaming every day…usually related to the insecurities of the blamer. Our fragile little egos hate to admit fault, especially when there’s an easy target at whom we can point our finger. Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

In a recent blog post I wrote that whatever is going on in our lives is simply what’s happening. This is true of both good and bad things. Whether it’s a so-called problem, a crisis, an illness, or something stupendously superb–it’s just what’s happening.

Which means that we have no control over it.

And by “it,” I mean stuff. Life. Everything.

I can already hear your ego-self rebelling at those words. If so, you’re especially not gonna like this next bit. Read the rest of this entry »

[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. See also the corresponding video on this topic.]

I was gifted with a HUGE insight recently. I saw how what I perceived as a verbal attack on me was not what I thought it was. With this realization, it was crystal clear where my bad/mad/scared feelings came from.

I felt attacked based on my own deep-seated unconscious beliefs that I was not good enough. Beliefs, I daresay, that I didn’t even know I had!

In other words, my feelings were 100% created from my own insecure thoughts–not what was said to me.

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Have you ever noticed how certain people are always up in arms about something?

Whether it’s a situation at work, home or in our social circles, we can easily find a reason to feel put upon. As soon as one problem is cleared up, there’s always another around the corner. Plus there are plenty of horrible happenings in the news to feel bad about just in case we can’t find anything to complain about locally!

No doubt, there are a zillion things we can be up in arms over. But why would we want to? It seems kinda dumb to me. Read the rest of this entry »

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How much of our good behavior is an attempt to fit in, be liked and not call attention to ourselves?

Most humans are generally good. They want to do the right thing as much as possible. Which great, because when we’re in a sticky situation, we can almost always find someone who’s willing to help us out.

But we also have a related drive of wanting to be liked. Which has some interesting implications in our daily lives. Read the rest of this entry »

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Raise your hand if you’re a workaholic.

If you work 10+ hours a day, my Magic 8 Ball tells me that “chances are good” you are.

Like most workaholics, you probably have lots of excuses reasons why you have to work.

“Demanding boss.”

“Someone’s gotta do it.”

“Not enough time in the day.”

“I’m the only one who can do it right.”

I might ruffle some feathers here, but I’m calling bullshit on all of it.

The reason you are a workaholic is, just like all addictions, it feels good to you.

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If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, you know I write a lot about happiness. I’ve learned through deep insights that happiness is something inside of us that’s available at all times. It’s not something we get from others (even though we often think it is). And it’s not something we get from stuff (even though we often think it is).

Which is all good in theory.

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I saw a scene in a movie recently where a boy had fallen out of a boat and was thrashing around because he couldn’t swim. His friend on the shore yelled, “Just stand up!” As it turned out, he was in shallow water and simply needed to put his feet on the ground.

Once he knew he could stand, drowning was no longer an issue.

It’s the same with any misunderstanding.

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“My thoughts are real.

They feel solid and trustworthy and true.

My beliefs are correct.

If only everyone else could see things the way I do, they would agree.

It’s so obvious.

Why can’t they see it?

How can they believe what they believe when it’s so blatantly wrong?”

Welcome to the inside of my head.

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I once wrote a blog post on the topic of surrendering and letting go and how that was the secret to end suffering.

But you asked, “How do I do it? How do I let go?”

My answer was always something along the lines of: How do you let go when falling asleep at night? And how do you let go when you don’t like the weather?

Even with these metaphors, surrendering or letting go still sounds like there’s something to do.

Recently, however, a colleague of mine said he’s been using the phrase “let it be” rather than “let go.”

I like it! Read the rest of this entry »

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Part of life entails making snap judgments about people and circumstances. As soon as we learn to talk or even just understand language, we start categorizing and labeling everything we encounter.

This labeling, however, leads us to making assumptions–especially about people. As soon as we meet someone new we try to figure out what they’re about and who they remind us of. There’s nothing wrong with doing this, but when we “typecast” others consciously or unconsciously it can cause problems.

I saw this in action recently when an old friend of mine was accused of being a “certain type” by someone who didn’t know her very well.

Here’s how it played out…

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We are all different.

Very different. So different that no two of us has the same mixture of magic ingredients that make us who we are. While this is totally awesome as we’d be bored to tears if we were all alike, it’s also what creates ALL the conflict in the world. Unfortunately, most of us don’t realize how different we are and therefore can’t understand why or even that others’ don’t see the world the same way we do.

The average person has no concept of separate realities.

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