Posted by Jill Whalen | Posted in Psychology, Things I've Learned, Thought | Posted on 06-13-2018
Tags: 3 Principles, Anxiety, Happiness, Separate Realities, Wellbeing
[Jill’s Note: If you prefer to listen rather than read, please scroll to the bottom of this post for the audio version. There’s also a corresponding video.]
If you’ve read any of my blog posts, you know I write about how it’s our thoughts that create our entire experience of life. In other words, as much as it appears that other people and situations cause us to feel how we feel–they don’t. The way we feel in any given moment is always and only a factor of whatever thoughts happen to pop in our heads at that time.
You don’t have to believe me, but…
This is the “One Truth” of how the world works.
Unfortunately, even though this is an actual truth, if you don’t believe it–you’re not alone. Most people don’t see the world this way.
Yet, ironically, it’s the most important thing we can ever learn!
Therefore, I’d love for you to see the truth of this for yourself.
So today I’m explaining it in a slightly different way than I have in the past. And if you’ve previously had trouble grasping the concept, perhaps this new explanation will make more sense.
The One Truth Explanation
Let’s call our usual, old-fashioned way of viewing the world–where people and situations can cause us pain, joy, sadness, anxiety, etc.–as the “Outside-In” way.
And we’ll call our new-fashioned way of seeing the world as the “Inside-Out” way.
Even though we’re calling the Inside-Out way, new-fashioned, it’s important to remember that while it may sound new because it’s different to how we always thought things worked, it’s actually how they have always worked.
Therefore, this One Truth is as old as time.
Think of it like back in the old days, when we learned that the world was round, not flat. While the information on its roundness was new, the world itself didn’t suddenly change from flat to round.
It had always been that way.
And just as many didn’t believe the “new” truth about the world’s roundness at first (because by all accounts, it certainly didn’t seem round!), many do not believe the “new” truth of the Inside-Out nature of life at first, either. However, for the purposes of this blog post, let’s suspend all disbelief and go with the notion that the world has ALWAYS and ONLY been Inside-Out regardless of how it looks on the surface.
Let’s also go with the idea that it can’t be any other way.
Just like the world can’t be round and flat at the same time, it also can’t be both Inside-Out and Outside-In at the same time. In other words, we can’t live in a world where thought in the moment creates our feelings and experiences in certain situations, but not in others.
It’s either all thought, or it’s not.
If you’re curious why this matters, it’s because living in an Inside-Out world has very different implications than living in an Outside-In world.
For instance, in our actual Inside-Out world, whatever happens to be happening in any given moment, has no particular power over us.
Which is great news!
This means that no object, phenomenon, situation, person, place, animal, job, relationship, etc., can, in and of itself, create feelings inside of us. They cannot make us stressed, angry, sad, anxious or anything else.
They simply have no power to do so.
But when we mistakenly believe we live in an outside-in world, we are at the mercy of whatever is happening around us. Therefore, we manufacture many rules, techniques and processes designed to protect us from it.
For instance we might believe any or all of the following:
“In order for me to be okay, when he says THAT, I must say THIS in return.”
“Every time THAT happens, I have to tell myself THIS in order to feel better.”
“I need to avoid THIS situation, because it makes me feel THAT way.”
But, you see, all those techniques are based on the belief that the world works Outside-In, i.e., that other people, places and things can create an experience inside of us.
They absolutely 100% CANNOT.
Therefore, those processes we’ve created, don’t apply. They are designed for an Outside-In world.
One in which we don’t actually live.
In the real world–people, places and things have absolutely NO power to create experiences inside of us. Nor can they make us feel any particular way.
This is the direction in which we need to look.
Always.
Please note that I’m not asking anyone to take my word for it. That won’t help in the least. It’s super easy to see the truth of the inside-out nature of life, once it’s been brought to our attention. Just look around very carefully at the world and see it for yourself.
There is evidence all around us, every minute of the day!
The only problem is…none of this is obvious, until it’s pointed out.
On the surface, the world totally looks Outside-In.
But as soon as we start to insightfully see the role that “thought in the moment” plays in our experience of life, it’s a game changer.
Be aware that because this is such a foreign idea for most of us, it is often like a game of peek-a-boo when we first start to catch a glimpse. We’ll see the true nature of the world for a little while, then lose it again. Then see it again, then lose it.
This is completely normal.
Even though I’ve been looking towards the inside-out nature of life for over four years, the world still looks outside-in to me most of the time. I often get caught up in the mistaken belief that the people I’m dealing with and the situations that are happening, are the cause of my feelings.
BUT…
Something in me KNOWS that can’t be true, however.
And somehow that is helpful.
–Jill
You may also be interested in this corresponding video:
Prefer listening? Click the green arrow below!
Thanks for this post Jill! I think I really needed to be reminded of this today.
You are very welcome. Glad you found it helpful!
Hi Jill, I red your blog, I think you write beautifully. I would like to ask you a question if you may.
How can you know that?
I’m not talking about the Inside Out nature of things, that is obvious, once you can see it of course. what am I asking you it’s about what you said that we live in the feeling of our thinking in the moment. tell me, how do you know that? what it it’s not true? what if we actually leave in the thinking of our feeling in the moment? how would you know the difference ? and what if both of those ideas are wrong?
Hi David,
Thank you for your question. The only way I know that I live in the feeling of my thinking in the moment is by having sought out and found evidence in my own life for the truth of it. I can tell you it til I’m blue in the face, but unless or until you find you’re own evidence, there’s no reason for you to believe me. You may want to read some of my previous posts where I documented my own evidence. Then you will have some ideas of where and what to look for in your own life. Please come back and share the results of your experiments!
Hi Jill,
Ultimately, I need to have faith that I’m okay?
Need to see the truth of this?
And believe in the moment?
Been sitting with this for a day or two.
When I ‘suspended’ my postie notes, scribblers, bookmarks, thoughts, techniques, reminders, lists, rules, habits…all such control over myself…in those moments…hadn’t just feel peace…felt part of it. Usual experience to try to explain.
Thanks for the transcript…found the printed words are helpful and it gave me a chance to mull it over…and sit with it…got a glimpse how I’ve been living in the world.
I like the new explanation. Respect you very much.
Ruth
Hi Ruth,
Ultimately, you don’t need to do anything. Including having faith.
This is simply about seeing the world as it is. You don’t need any faith because the evidence is all around us. From your experience of when you suspended all your stuff, it sounds like you got the proof/evidence! Hold onto that and always seek out more. If something feels like it’s coming from outside circumstances, see if you can see how it’s actually coming from thought in the moment. You may not be able to do this when in the thick of it, but perhaps later when it’s not so “real” to you.
Happy to have a chat sometime if you’d like. Just let me know!